Recently I dubbed myself a "film sharpshooter," which means I choose the movies I pay for wisely*, which means the list of 2009 releases The Film Official has seen isn't very long, which means the "official" in this title isn't so official, is it? (Cheap joke alert) Official? Heck, I could probably officiate in the NBA with a record like this.
*Ed. note: The Hours and A Knight's Tale are exceptions.
But whatever. Here's a descending look at all the 2009 movies who have been graced by the presence of me*:
*Note 2: These rankings are subject to change, as is my mind, so positions might flip as time passes. As some guy once said, "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" ... and although I'm not really sure what a hobgoblin is, it sounds pretty scary -- like something that might be trying to drag me to the fire-and-brimstone underworld or something. I want nothing to do with that. OK, end of digression. Here are those long-anticipated rankings:
8. Watchmen (full review): The only true dud on this list. Lots of cool images, one intriguing character ... but when your movie is 12 hours long, shouldn't it at least look good and have, like, at least one intriguing character?
7. The Brothers Bloom (full review): A disappointment because of its imagery, its cast and high expectations after writer-director Rian Johnson auteured the fantastic Brick. This one just unravels, which is a shame.
6. Star Trek (um, cough, "full" review): You know those 5-Hour Energy commercials where they bash the sugary energy drinks -- you know, fun now, but doesn't last? Star Trek is one of those sugary energy drinks.
5. Observe and Report (full review): Has so much going for it that its occasional forays into ridiculous comedy seem forced. Coulda been.
4. Sugar (full review): Speaking (earlier) of sugar, Sugar is kind of the opposite of sugar. It's more like a piece of whole wheat bread. Perfectly OK, but either 1) could be tastier, or 2) could be better for you.
3. I Love You, Man (full review): Lots of fun, lots of Rush, lots of perfectly captured male awkwardness. Not gonna win any TFO awards unless 2009 really sucks, and it's no comedy HOF-er, but it's still memorably good.
2. Up (full review): Despite its late lapse into convention, it resonates emotionally and has a great message. Looks good, too, but that's kind of a duh for Pixar at this point.
1. Drag Me To Hell (full review): The only film on the list that exceeds expectations. It starts out slow ... but that's just director/co-writer Sam Raimi tricking you into thinking you're in for ordinary horror. Fun, funny, jumpy, creative -- all-time great it ain't, but it completely nails its target.
Arizona eats, 2018 edition.
8 hours ago