The king of all ...

... cheesy horror films:

(Pic from hollywood.dcealumni.com)

OK, cheesy might be a little unfair, because when I say "cheesy horror films," you (likely) say "Jason!"*

*When I say "sportz," you say "nutz" ...

But there's a difference between the truly, icky, awful, terrified feeling you get when you watch an unrelenting piece like Texas Chain Saw Massacre (the original ... duh) or Alien. Those are small, contained situations -- a house in the middle of nowhere, a space ship -- and neither has grand ideas nor many supernatural qualities.

Typically, when you enter the realm of Satan or 666*, there must be some sort of suspension of disbelief, since the concept of EVIL incarnate is, well, slightly silly.

*Episode 666 is an exception here.

So here we go, with The Omen, a 1976 offering (again, not the remake) from Richard Donner and Atticus Finch himself, Gregory Peck. Peck plays Thorn, a politician whose son, Damien (Harvey Stephens), is no more his son than I am. Instead, their relationship spawned from an under-the-table adoption ... and it ain't workin' out so hot for our protagonist. Because, well, Damien is the Antichrist, and Thorn (with the help of a suspecting photog played by David Warner's incredible accent) must stop the little devil (haha) by killing him. Which kinda makes dad a little uneasy, what with the moral repercussions of offing a kid and all.

The film has its share of unintentional comedy, but it seems to know it ... if just barely. Everything is played straight, but you get the sense that, deep down, everyone's winking at you (or smiling, as it were ... if you've seen the ending, you know what I mean).

Then there's the film's strongest quality, and I'm not talking about the totally badass decapitation scene (yeah, don't click on that one, all you squeamish types). IMDB's trivia section for The Omen says the following:

Director Richard Donner credits the success of the film to composer Jerry Goldsmith, whose music made the film scarier than it would have been had he not been involved.

Totally. Agree.

Goldsmith won an Oscar for his work here. In a cheesy horror movie. That's how good the score is.

Enjoy:

Once is enough.

After almost two years of hearing all about what Once was about, I finally got to see what Once was all about.

(RTE Entertainment with the pic)

The verdict: A big, emphatic blah.

It's not that this story -- an Irish busker's (Glen Hansard, of something called The Frames) slight romance with a Czech immigrant/pianist (Markéta Irglová, also a musician), with a side dish of Hansard's character trying to complete an album -- totally sucks. It has nice moments and insights, especially is it pertains to the sheer incomprehensibility of some women's actions*.

*And yes, most men are incomprehensible, too ... but I'm a dude myself, so my actions make sense, dammit!

But that doesn't make the movie any good. Mostly because it's boring. Mostly because, as a "modern musical," there's way too much music here -- I'd say about half of the film's 85 minutes are wordless except for guitar strums and sung notes.

Not that music being prevalent in film is a bad thing (see: Chicago). It's just this music really isn't any good (the Oscar for Best Song notwithstanding). It's not horrible, per se -- I'd hate to see the modern-day country music version of this -- but it's simply simple. As an unabashed music snob, I must again and again point out to all who will listen that "arty" music often is completely the opposite. I play the guitar about as well as I can weld, but give me a six-string and about a month of practice and I could be just as good Once's protag. I mean that. An open chord ain't exactly a John Petrucci solo.

Which also lends another element to my overall dislike of this movie: I can't get all that wrapped up in a guy's journey when I'm sitting there screaming: "You think this is hard?! Try changing tempos once in a while! Mix in a few other time signatures, why don't you?! And for the love of God, why do all you people hate drummers so much?!"

It's not totally the point, of course, which saves this movie a little. As mentioned before, the musician's relationship with Irglova's character -- she's got a husband somewhere, so their romance doesn't really take off -- is intriguing and realistic, but that story is so buried beneath melancholy, repetitive tones, it's pretty much forgettable.

I guess it's a good thing I didn't see the film until now. Guess it's obvious I won't be seeing it again. The title of this post says it all: Once is enough.

Peace sells, and Will Ferrell's buying

The news-gathering music website Blabbermouth.net tipped me off to an audio update from TheLiveLine.com:

Megadeth's Dave Mustaine: "I'm going to be working on the new Will Ferrell movie 'Land Of The Lost'... and going to be putting some music on that. I went and saw the movie last week and it was hilarious. I loved it. I love Will Ferrell; think he's hilarious anyways. But, yeah, we're getting ready to send some music up to these guys right now and you're listening to some in the background, and then I'll be heading up there this week to hopefully finish all this off with their guys. And man, how exciting for me."

"Land Of The Lost" is set to hit theaters on June 5. Check out a trailer below.

Here is that trailer ...



Hmmm. Megadeth's still got it, even after all these years, but is that enough to make Land watchable? I mean, Mustaine's crew once contributed a solid song to ... Last Action Hero.

Random Cinco de Mayo thoughts

*Note: This post has absolutely nothing to do with Cinco de Mayo.

Randomly, some thoughts, brought to you by the free wireless internet at FLL:

-Roman Polanski is in the news again. Idea: How about if he doesn't show up at the hearing, his Oscar (for the underwhelming The Pianist) is revoked and passed on to its rightful owner. Or at least this guy. Or even this one.
(Exclusive: The last known rendering of Polanski in the U.S.)

-From the world of music: Concept albums haven't really translated well into film -- see Tommy and Pink Floyd: The Wall -- but I'm at least a little intrigued by a supposed screenplay based on progressive rock/metal outfit Mastodon's latest epic, Crack the Skye.

(Would this make a good movie poster?)

-From the world of sports: I thought my initial thoughts on this movie were all original, then I read that ESPN writer Bill Simmons made essentially the same claim in his latest column. Damn. Still, Spike Lee's latest documentary, Kobe Doin' Work, might be less based in reality than, say, the latest P.O.S. comic book movie. If you think politicians are full of it when they speak publicly, you ain't heard much Kobe Bryant.

The Girlfriend Experience

... and no, this has nothing to do with my personal life.

Instead, it's the latest latest film from the enigmatic Steven Soderbergh.



Two things:

1) The movie looks very Soderbergh-y. No idea if we'll get good Soderbergh or bad Soderbergh. But it's always worth a look.

2) That background rhythm is killer. It's a shame they pulled it from the "feature" trailer, because so rarely do we hear exceptional drum work. The marginalization of the drummer is my biggest complaint about mainstream music. There. End of yet another music musing.

I have no interest in seeing this movie ...

... or do I?


With thanks to MTV's Headbanger's Blog, metal/heavy rock fans might just have reason to be excited about Crank: High Voltage:

On April 7, 32 new [TFO add: former Faith No More frontman Mike] Patton compositions appeared on the soundtrack for the film “Crank 2: High Voltage,” which hits theaters April 17. The movie again features Jason Statham as Chev Chelios, an unfortunate British thug suffering from heart problems. In this case, his character wakes to find his heart has been removed and replaced with the equivalent of an analog alarm clock, which requires regular jolts of electricity and high-energy excitement to keep from shutting down.

The action that follows as Chelios searches for the Chinese mobsters who stole his real heart, is fast-paced and unrelenting. Playing cameos in the film are Tool vocalist Maynard James Keenan, Nine Inch Nails guitarist Danny Lohner, Linkin Park’s Chester Bennington and country musician Dwight Yoakam.

Sure, it's the standard actioner-needs-loud-music thing, but hey -- one of these days, one of these songs is going to creep into Oscar voters' skulls and bury itself deep inside, not unlike when Eminem and Three 6 Mafia took the gold. I mean, whoda figured songs like those would win, especially way back when we were the way we were?

For now, guess we'll just enjoy the best of the two names on this list that really stir the heavy music excitement: Patton and Keenan.

Killing (Nazis) is their business ...

... and business is good*:

*Don't get that reference? Click here ... if you dare!



As for the film itself, I'm honestly quite intrigued*. Has camp-classic potential ... or could be extremely awful.

*And no, it has nothing to do with American Idol.

Let's just hope Q cools it with the excessive dialogue (NSFW) this time.

Hello ... Is Anybody There?

There is absolutely no way I'm the only person who sees the title of this ...




... and immediately recalls the first line of this ...




... which is good, because the latter (song-wise, anyway) certainly seems like it'll end up more satisfying than the former.

Don't forget ... The Sting

Cinephiles and Oscar historians know it, sure, and probably know it well. But those who don't obsessively gobble up films like this writer downs Ezekiel 4:9 bread might not be as familiar with 1973's Best Picture winner, The Sting.

Which is weird, because it's got poker*. Sure, it's not Texas Hold 'Em, but cut these guys some slack. The movie's set in 1930s Chicago. If memory serves, Texas Hold 'Em wasn't invented until, like, 1941. In Minnesota, I think**.

*And the poker clip here is just the start of the sting, so don't worry about spoilers.

**That's not even remotely true. Here's Wiki's take.



Oh, right, about the movie: The Newman/Redford vehicle is endlessly entertaining, clever, and takes the audience on a ride with it. It's not BIG like some of the other '70s legends, and it's not action-packed like many of its gritty crime contemporaries. It doesn't even much feel like a '70s film, just a timeless story about a pair of con men playing a deserving sucker (a pre-Jaws Robert Shaw).

Really, it's an early version of today's smart guys vs. big money movies -- movies like, say, this one. And who doesn't like those, at least when they're done well*?

*A: Weirdos.

Plus, ya gotta love the Scott Joplin ragtime music, even if it isn't exactly timely for the 1930s.

Hail to the Rooster!

So they can't much fly, but there's something about roosters in the air right now. You'll see why in a moment.

(Photo credit to one of The Film Official's operatives, at a recent arts fair.)


Really, don't underestimate this male bird's significance. For, a rooster is ...

A killer (moderate pun intended) song:



A bringer of luck, at least to one character in this book I'm reading:


A player in a confounding riddle:



... and -- and, ya know, this is where the whole "film" thing comes in -- the name of a character in (reportedly) the Coen Brothers' next film*:

*Next, after this one, coming in '09.


Now, for sake of full disclosure -- and I'm hoping this doesn't prompt the revocation of my Film Nerd Card: I haven't seen the original True Grit. Just not a John Wayne* guy. Love the dude's (or, I guess, The Duke's) airport, though.

*His real name was Marion Morrison? How did I not know this?

When interests collide

No idea if Sugar will be any good (although the early returns say yes), or if it will be typically sports-movie sweet, like ... well ... sugar. But anyone who knows anything about anything* will understand why I'm mentioning this story of a Dominican baseball player trying to snag a roster spot in Spring Training**.

*Literally: Anyone who knows anything about me.

**I wonder if the film will mention anything relating to this.

It involves sports* ...





... plus, the title itself has me humming this (and, briefly, this):


Watch SYSTEM OF A DOWN-SUGAR in Music | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

*Note: The preceding has not been in any way an endorsement of sugar as food. Down with refined sugar!

Oh boy: More '60s, more rock ...

I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin' ...



Aren't we due for a '60s/'70s rock biopic or something by now?

Oh wait, we're getting one*.

*All right, I'll admit it -- Mike Myers as Keith Moon does sound a little intriguing ...

I Rush You, Man

Modern-day warriors ...


First, a quickie review: I Love You, Man was lots of fun, absolutely nailing the awkward nature of what has been dubbed "bromance."

It isn't perfect, but from the Paul Rudd character's endless string of would-be cool phrases that come out as gibberish, to the fact that the inevitable "love triangle" -- between Peter (Rudd), fiancee Zooey (Rashida Jones) and new best friend Sydney (Jason Segal) -- never devolves into some bitter melodramatic war, this is an enjoyable flick with a solid message that doesn't get too preachy, unlike some others in the genre*.

*CoughWeddingCrasherscough.

Now for the coolest part: Music references! Mostly, just one -- Rush.

For those (like Zooey in the film) who don't know, Rush is something of a cult band -- only theirs is a huge cult. The Canadian rockers have been around since the 1960s and still are rolling (unlike some other bands that are still trying to kick it*). Everywhere they go they draw huge crowds. A few of their songs are locked into classic-rock station rotations.

*CoughAC/DCcough.

Still, they're not like The Stones or The Who or Led Zeppelin in terms of widespread popularity, despite having, IMO, three of the best ... musicians ... period* ... manning their respective positions.

*This guy, especially.

But instead of lamenting their lack of mainstream recognition, let's celebrate their sizable place in I Love You, Man, with only one complaint: Could they not have chosen at least one non-radio song for the soundtrack? YYZ, maybe? Or an extended drum solo for Peart? I mean, Peart got a (NSFW) solo here, after all ...

Not exactly rocking the boat ...

This just in: It's cool to like old rock 'n' roll.



Now, we've had too many examples of Trailer FAIL* to say that these two- to three-minute bits tell us everything about a film. But let's do some simple addition: That trailer + the writer/director involved = Yawn.

*This one comes to mind.

I mean, seriously. Rock 'n' roll vs. the establishment? True story or not, that setup's about as compelling as the one about women vs. gender roles, or the idea that war is hell. Next!

Not to say this film will be bad or anything. I'm sure there's some great music in there, and it looks like The World's Greatest Actor (and I type that with zero irony ... I really mean it) has himself another meaty role.

Just it brings back memories of Almost Famous, another overrated music movie (I touched upon that here), and doesn't seem -- operative word there is "seem" -- to compare to the best recent example of music-related film-fiction.

One final note, and this is the major point here: I'm still waiting for someone -- anyone -- to do for the genre of heavy metal* what has been done for the likes of '60s/'70s rock or early country or jazz or soul or hip-hop.

*And no, this doesn't count as metal.

If there's one music genre that is completely misunderstood by the populous, it's metal. Is it esoteric stuff? Absolutely. I wouldn't take a girl to a Between the Buried and Me concert on a first date or anything. But NOBODY can listen to it and make any rational argument against its merit as music of the highest advancement. Plus, ya know, it'd be nice if people understood it just enough so as not to label As I Lay Dying fans Satanists (click the link to get the joke there).

But no, the whole thing still is mostly shunned in the Western world and often banned elsewhere. Therefore, the ingredients of compelling film drama all are in play: Dedicated, committed, creative musicians working on misunderstood art, making little money doing it, and touching people in ways that Indie Rockers only wish they could.

There. End of rant. Now somebody make that movie, instead another on the British Invasion.

(And when you do make the metal film, could you leave Metallica out of it entirely? Thanks.)

Two more songs...

Oops. Or is it really an oops? Dunno. Whatever it is, the last post about unusual (and creative) movie songs, left out plenty, of course -- but few omissions were more glaring than these two:



*Mild spoiler in the next one...*

Soundtracks

I just caught The Hoax -- a decent little '06 movie starring Richard Gere as the guy who faked a Howard Hughes biography (and, obviously, didn't get away with it).

But this isn't so much about that movie as what it contained. As in, a really, really ordinary soundtrack. The film is set in the early 1970s, and it's like director Lasse Hallstrom (or whomever made the background music decisions) tuned his radio to some classic rock station and wrote down whatever songs he liked best, then checked to make sure they fit the time frame.

CCR's Up Around the Bend and Down on the Corner. George Harrison's Here Comes the Sun. And for the film's oh-so-emotional ending ... well why not the Stones' You Can't Always Get What You Want?

I also scolded Watchmen for having this problem, too. But it could apply to most movies, really. Forrest Gump was on the other day, and I noticed the same old songs* there, too. Maybe it's because it's cheaper to grab the rights to these oft-used songs than it is to pull new ones. I don't know;

*None of which, ironically, happened to be The Four Tops' It's the Same Old Song -- although that one was heard quite often in the Coen Brothers' first effort, Blood Simple.

Now, those who know me know my music tastes are a little different than most*. This isn't about that. I actually like several of the songs that have found their way into movie after movie.

*FTR, my two favorite bands are this one and this one.

But -- just as it is on radio stations -- repetitiveness is a problem. If you want to get creative with your film ... why not get creative with your music, too?

OK, time to stop whining. Some films actually have placed unusual unoriginal songs in key spots.


THE BIG LEBOWSKI
Yeah, the Creedence (and the tape deck) were familiar, but this Dylan song isn't usually on his list of Greatest Hits. In the Greatest Movie of All Time, though, it hits big time.



Plus, let's not forget this one. Who's the singer? Kenny Rogers. Yes, the Kenny Rogers. The guy who sold chicken to Kramer.




RUSHMORE
This soundtrack was filled with gems from well-known bands -- like this great scene, backed by a little-known song from The Who.




SCHOOL OF ROCK
What a way to end a movie whose very existence celebrates great music (beware the Spanish dubbing of the dialogue here ... at least they didn't make Bon Scott canta en Espanol).




SPECIAL BONUS: SHOOT 'EM UP
I haven't seen the crazy Clive Owen/Paul Giamatti ... uh ... shoot 'em up flick from '07, but I did catch one amazing part: The following video actually figures prominently in the plot. Viva el skullet! \m/ \m/




That's just a sample -- I know I'm missing a ton here. So let's keep it up, filmmakers. I mean, we're all aware James Brown feels good. Tell us something we don't know (slash hear all the time).