Waitress

Waitress, feel-kinda-good movie of early 2007 ...

(Pic found at YumSugar.com)

... feel-good, because it's a fun comedy with quirky characters and a happy message; feel-only-kinda good because of the horrific fate of writer-director-star Adrienne Shelly, which need no snarky comment because it was simply horrible.

Still, that doesn't make the movie itself off-limits, especially with all the superlatives thrown its direction back in oh-seven.

***Spoilers abound below***

As fun as Waitress can be -- and it is quite funny, quite often -- the movie at its core is one gigantic cliche. A wayward, pregnant Southern waitress with a knack for baking pies (Keri Russell) is married to an overbearing jackass (Jeremy Sisto) and helped only by her quirky waitress friends (Cheryl Hines and Shelly, whose performance is as great as her storyline isn't) ... until a Northern doctor (Nathan Fillion) shows up and sweeps Russell off her feet. Sort of.

Sort of, since she *doesn't* end up with the doctor. Why? Because nearly all the male characters in this movie are idiots. Sisto is a jerk. Fillion is a dope. Even the Shelly character's love interest (Eddie Jemison), cute as he might be, also is pretty dim. Well, OK, they saved room for the Sage Old Man character (Andy Griffith, who else?) ... because all old people are smart, of course, and you're not smart until you get old, right*? But the point is, in a great swoop of Girl Power, Russell decides that, well, that Fillion's character is a dope.

*But, when you're old, of course you must die during the movie to illicit sympathy from the audience. That's as American Movie Formula as apple pie (and all the other pies served in this movie)**.

**Another reason why I didn't get caught up in the Waitress frenzy: I'm a health food absolutist and thus don't eat pie. So the whole mouthwatering delight thing was lost on me.

Anyway, yes, Waitress sidesteps the she-finds-love-with-another-man cliche. But it replaces it with another: The happily-ever-after-with-me-and-my-baby cliche. You see, Russell's character *hates* this baby throughout the movie, because it's her husband's, it's making her fat, etc. Of course, this is true until the baby gets born*. Then she realizes how beautiful it is and how complete her life is and blah, blah, blah.

*And, while I'm at it, why do movies always show the obligatory birth scene? They might not all be as graphic as Knocked Up's, but they're just as gratuitous.

But the mother-loving-baby thing isn't the bad part here. It's the fact that mother loving baby = everything will be wonderful until the end of time! (This wondefulness factor goes for all the sympathetic characters in the script, BTW. They all win. Except the dead guy, but he was old, so that's OK. He's probably in heaven anyway -- the eternal version of happily-ever-after.)

But here's the thing: No matter how happy you get, sometimes life just sucks. The happily-ever-after thing is pure nonsense. There's nothing wrong with things ending positively, but good God -- at least show her struggling with her taxes or something! Maybe stubbing a toe? Her favorite singer losing on American Idol? Something!

It's disgustingly ironic how Shelly's life ended, when you consider the way her final film did. I *will not* say it proves my point, because it doesn't -- otherwise, every character would die before the credits roll. And that would be ridiculous.

But so is the happily-ever-after concept. It must be stopped, lest our intelligences be insulted again ... and again .. and again ...

Can't forget Sarah Marshall

Thanks to HBO for bringing Forgetting Sarah Marshall back (because, you know, it's been gone so long) ...

(EW.com w/the pic ... and a bad review that spends way too much time talking about something that doesn't really matter in this movie ...)

In that linked review, much time is spentwasted talking about writer/star Jason Segal's nude scene -- and that wasn't the only place that mentioned Segal's exposed Jason (or is it Johnson*?). My reaction is much like the one re: Kathy Bates in About Schmidt -- as in, so what? I'm not necessarily interested in seeing that, but here's an easy remedy: Look away and get on with your life/the movie.

*Whaddaya need that for, Dude?

Another complaint about FSM is its derivative nature, as it harkens back to all those Judd Apatow/Seth Rogen comedies. And, well, it does, with the same rhythm (and, in many cases, the same players). So it's not wholly original in its execution. But that's not the point.

What separates FSM from the crowd (and this goes for all comedies) is its spot-on look at relationships. Good ones, bad ones, all the interested parties, everything. Unlike Knocked Up, it doesn't cop out with the phony, who-could-believe-that? ending. Unlike Wedding Crashers, the main antagonist -- the dude who's with the main dude's girl -- isn't a total cookie-cutter a-hole.

And here's the most mature part: Sarah Marshall (the Segal character's ex, played by Kristen Bell) ain't exactly a saint, but she's not a total you-know-what, either. She has her problems. So does Segal's character. So does his new love interest (Mila Kunis), Sarah's new love interest (a mostly funny but sometimes over-the-top Russell Brand), the probably gay guy who is obsessed with Sarah's new love interest (Jonah Hill, hilarious as always), the innocent virgin who is trying--well, you get the point.

Which makes it well worth the time, even if the laughs -- albeit hard* -- aren't as frequent as in other comedies of this type.

*This includes one of the funniest lines in years, though, uttered by Paul Rudd (as an airhead surfing instructor). Let's just say it's got something to do with carpet, but not drapes.

Whatever Work day

Busy with the whole day-job thing, although I'm sure I'll spend a little time wondering about this film's trailer ...



Early verdict: It's not so great, but an irrational love of L.D. (not to mention a little help from Woody) can overcome anything.

... his name was Kirby Kyle

Radio Days -- Woody Allen's 1987 tribute to, well, the radio days of the 1940s -- is more a nostalgia piece than a great film*.

*Although it does feature a quick early appearance from one Larry David, who is -- what else? -- yelling.

But that doesn't keep it from offering one of my all-time favorite bits.

The scene: A blustery sports broadcaster, telling a tale on his nightly show (listen to the audio clip here).


"Today's story ... is about a baseball player. His name was Kirby Kyle, a lean southpaw from Tennessee. He played for the old St. Louis Cardinals. He threw fast and he had a good curveball, and all the hitters knew it.

"He was a kid with a great future. But one day, he went hunting. He loved to hunt, just like his father and his father's father.

"Chasing a rabbit, he stumbled, and his rifle went off. The bullet entered his leg. Two days later it was amputated.

"They said he would never pitch again. But the next season he was back. He had one leg, but he had something more important: He had heart.


"The following winter another accident cost Kirby Kyle an arm -- fortunately not his pitching arm. He had one leg and one arm, but more than that, he had heart.


"The next winter, going after a duck, his gun misfired. He was ... blind. But he had instinct as to were to throw the baseball. Instinct ... and heart.


"The following year, Kirby Kyle was run over by a truck and killed. The following season, he won 18 games ... in the Big League in the Sky."

Honestly, I don't know why baseball's stat geeks set doesn't quote this one over and over and over and over ... Kirby Kyle might have begun as a parody of real-life player Monty Stratton, but today he means so much more.

He had heart.

Complaint of the day

From one of the all-time great comedies:


"I don't believe this. I'd like to see a movie but there's nothing out there. It's all this shoot-'em-up, action bulls--- ... "

Unintentional drama

You have unintentional comedy. Can't you have unintentional drama, too?

OK, so "unintentional" isn't exactly the right word, but here's what I mean: Say you're making a comedy. Not one of those intellectual Annie Hall comedies or dark Coen Bros. comedies, either. I'm talking Will Ferrell-esque. So you're making a comedy, and you set yourself up with a pretty ridiculous premise that, essentially, is little more than a backdrop for funny lines/situations/actions of hilarious actors/etc.

Now, if you're making a good comedy, you realize this. Sure, you might complete the plot, but you know the audience doesn't care if Ron Burgundy covers the big story, or if Miles Monroe assassinates The Leader('s nose), or if Billy graduates and inherits the Madison hotel fortune. They're there for funny. Period. As some guy once said, make 'em laugh.

So you treat the plot as such. It's just kinda there.

But if you're making a lesser comedy, you get the silly notion that your story actually matters.

Like in Semi-Pro, which I finally saw recently, prompting this whole rant.

(Pic found at Canada.com)

Semi-Pro shoulda been called Semi-Good (ho ho ho), because its opening third is hilarious. Just hilarious*.

*Best line, on whether a guy who sat on the bench for an NBA-championship team deserves credit for winning a title: "I mean, if you watch a porn movie, doesn't mean you got laid."

Then the story -- about an American Basketball Association franchise trying to earn its way into an NBA-ABA merger -- takes over, and nearly all the funny fizzles.

WHY?!?!?!?!?!

A message to you comedy-makers:

We. Don't. Care.

Yes, some ... films ... can fit a terrific plot with loads of laughs. But others seem destined for comedy-and-nothing-else glory, yet can't let go of the story. And if you're like me, you're standing up in the theater/your living room, throwing junk at the screen and screaming, "Why'd you take my funny away?!"

Some other offenders:

-Wedding Crashers: Maybe the absolute worst, just for how sickeningly schmaltzy it gets near the end. The final wedding scene is just gag-worthy. Ugh. I get mad even thinking about it.

-Old School: Needed more, um, "wrestling," and less "will they save their frat and show up a pre-Ari Jeremy Piven?"

-Knocked Up: Yes, I know Judd Apatow likes to say things in his movies, but the whole third-act "I'm gonna get my life together" turn is pure comedy killer. Plus, the ending itself is just eye-rollingly unreasonable. Here's hoping Funny People doesn't fall for the same things as it goes for "comedy with MEANING."

... and now for something completely different, the all-time greatest example of a comedy that just doesn't care about its plot and isn't afraid to let you know it:

-Monty Python and the Holy Grail: The end.

In the face!

No clue if this will be any good (although the studio seems to have high hopes) ...



Also, trying to decide which bit is funnier:

1) The baby getting a car door to the face, or

2) Mike Tyson completing the world's most famous drum fill with ... a punch to Zach Galifianakis' face*.

*Yep, that's at least three face gags (below) in one trailer ... Although I'm guessing Akeem isn't complaining.

Overlooked (but for how long?): T.O.P. 1 2 3

The whole remake thing is kind of confusing.

On one hand -- WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO MY MOVIE?!?!?! On the other, maybe the remake will bring attention to the (almost certainly better) original.

Here's hoping the latter happens this June, when Tony Scott (ugh) offers his version (numbers in the title instead of words, of course) of the 1974 subway hijacker flick The Taking of Pelham One Two Three, one whose name* probably isn't known by many young people today (except maybe Beastie Boys fans).

*It must be mentioned that this is based on a book. So *technically* this year's version could be viewed as an "adaptation" instead of a "remake." However, I'm guessing the new film wasn't inspired by a trip to Borders.


Now for more guessing, based solely on the trailer and Scott's history: Something tells me the new version won't be quite like the old one.

What makes the original so memorable is not just its grabber of a plot, in which Walter Matthau (who morphs into Denzel Washington for 2009) is a transit cop negotiating with/tracking a group of subway train hijackers led by Robert Shaw (who is as composed in the '74 verson as John Travolta appears to be over-the-top maniacal in '09).

No, what makes T.O.P. 1 2 3 is that it's so damn funny*.

*It even has Frank Costanza!



Yeah, it's definitely not PC. It's edgy. There's racism and sexism here, but it's not like it's condoning that sort of thing. Just acknowledging that it, like so many other '70s-era NYC quirks, exists. Really, the T.O.P. 1 2 3's gritty realism and crackling dialogue embodies everything that's great about the better examples of 1970s filmmaking*.

*No doubt Quentin Tarantino noticed; the hijackers give each other names like Mr. Blue and Mr. Green, just as they do in Reservoir Dogs.

And that music ...

Almost there: Observe and Report

Ronnie: Dammit. We were *so* close.

Det. Harrison: Oh, if only ...

Yes, if only. If only Observe and Report had gone all the way*, rather than trying to mix a brilliantly uncomfortable story of a delusional, bipolar mall cop (Seth Rogen) with scenes that seemed to exist merely to be outrageous/funny and appeal to the the Rogen/Judd Apatow crowd (Danny McBride as a drug dealer? Again?).

*And I'm not talking about this part.

Because O&R really was onto something here. Sure, some of those ridiculous moments are quite funny, but -- as has been mentioned elsewhere -- the film has a less-moody Taxi Driver feel to it, but doesn't completely follow through on it. It didn't have Scorsese/De Niro potential, but it certainly could have existed in a nearby zip code.

Rogen and writer/director Jody Hill portray cop Ronnie Barnhardt's manic-depressive state so subtly (and smartly), it's almost an aside. Really, Ronnie's what happened to that high school outcast who didn't fit into any of those "nerdy" or "artsy" categories. He doesn't think he's a loser. Far from it. So what we have here is a character on the edge, a dreamer without a distinct goal, just someone looking for ... something, whatever it is, that confirms he's as great as he believes.

Which is a scary and intriguing setup, something that could have kept its share of comedic moments while existing in even darker territory, rather than jolting awkwardly between hilarious and frightening.

Which is why O&R falls into the category of "good, not great."

If only ...

BONUS POINTS ...
... for Rogen's performance, which had better earn him consideration for the Golden Globes Best Actor/Musical or Comedy category*.

*And while we're at it, why are musicals still a part of this category? How is playing Cole Porter even remotely similar to playing Dewey Cox? Let's change this before Daniel Day-Lewis becomes the next musical star to steal a Globe nod from a deserving comic actor.

... for filming in a near-vacant mall in Albuquerque, N.M.

... for "born-again virgin."

... for a cathartic moment involving stand-up "comic" Patton Oswalt.

Brag of the evening

Whenever you want to impress someone, tell them this. (Just make sure to take out the "probably.")


"My brilliant research in brain transplantation is unsurpassed, and will probably make my name live beyond eternity."

I Rush You, Man

Modern-day warriors ...


First, a quickie review: I Love You, Man was lots of fun, absolutely nailing the awkward nature of what has been dubbed "bromance."

It isn't perfect, but from the Paul Rudd character's endless string of would-be cool phrases that come out as gibberish, to the fact that the inevitable "love triangle" -- between Peter (Rudd), fiancee Zooey (Rashida Jones) and new best friend Sydney (Jason Segal) -- never devolves into some bitter melodramatic war, this is an enjoyable flick with a solid message that doesn't get too preachy, unlike some others in the genre*.

*CoughWeddingCrasherscough.

Now for the coolest part: Music references! Mostly, just one -- Rush.

For those (like Zooey in the film) who don't know, Rush is something of a cult band -- only theirs is a huge cult. The Canadian rockers have been around since the 1960s and still are rolling (unlike some other bands that are still trying to kick it*). Everywhere they go they draw huge crowds. A few of their songs are locked into classic-rock station rotations.

*CoughAC/DCcough.

Still, they're not like The Stones or The Who or Led Zeppelin in terms of widespread popularity, despite having, IMO, three of the best ... musicians ... period* ... manning their respective positions.

*This guy, especially.

But instead of lamenting their lack of mainstream recognition, let's celebrate their sizable place in I Love You, Man, with only one complaint: Could they not have chosen at least one non-radio song for the soundtrack? YYZ, maybe? Or an extended drum solo for Peart? I mean, Peart got a (NSFW) solo here, after all ...

Overlooked: High Anxiety

How often does Mel Brooks' 1977 Hitchcock parody High Anxiety get its due?

(I'll have that for you in a moment.)

... once in a blue moon.


True, it's no Young Frankenstein or Blazing Saddles, Brooks' 1-2 comic punch from 1974 that helped place that year among the greatest in film history. And no, it's not quite on The Producers' level either, but that one's in a different world.

But Brooks' send-up of The Master of Suspense's classic thrillers is right up there, maybe a half-step below his best, firmly entrenched in his Second Tier, alongside other spoofs like Spaceballs, Silent Movie (another overlooked one) and Robin Hood: Men In Tights.

One thing clearly going against High Anxiety is modern-day relevance. In pop culture, Westerns (which Blazing Saddles parodies), horror flicks (Young Frankenstein), period adventure movies (Men in Tights) and sci-fi sagas (Spaceballs) all have stayed alive in one way or another.

Meanwhile, Hitchcock movies (Psycho excepted) fall outside the purview of most of today's non-cinephiles. Sure, the old cheesy horror movies at the core of Young Frankenstein's jabs aren't around anymore either, but one typically learns through osmosis the story of Frankenstein and his monster and all that. But North by Northwest? Vertigo? These are AFI classics, not IMDB hits.

But High Anxiety is worth it no matter how much Hitchcock you've seen. Like any Brooks vehicle, it's filled with memorable lines*, hilarious gags and ridiculous characters played by Brooks regulars (the writer/director himself, Cloris Leachman, the late great Madeline Kahn, the also late and also great Harvey Korman, Dick Van Patten, et al).

*"You're the cocker's daughter?"

Really, the whole thing's worth it just to see eventual Oscar-winning director Barry Levinson (below) as a high-strung bellboy. Sadly, I found no clip online. So you'll just have to take The Film Official's official word for it, and Netflix this one.


"That kid gets no tip."

The Jerk

He was born a poor, black child ...

Thanks to basketball coach/ESPN.com writer/chat artist/movie quote machine David Thorpe for bringing up this gem today in his web chat.

And seriously -- please ... forget ... what ... Steve Martin ... has done ... lately.

Because the guy invented a genre. Or helped invent it. I mean, I'm no licensed historian or anything. But I'm certainly not the only one to notice the clear similarities between Navin R. Johnson ...

... and Ricky Bobby ...

... and hey, even "Mike Honcho" (probably not quite SFW) ...

Yep, The Jerk helped blaze that trail. Now, 30 years after its release, Steve Martin's legendary entry in the Stupid Comedy genre is still just as funny as when it first came out*.

*I wasn't born yet, but that's what some guy on a bus told me.

No joke -- Martin even earned the No. 99 spot on Premiere's 100 Greatest Performances of All Time (released last December). So ... When The Film Official reveals its Stupid Comedy Hall of Fame soon, this one's gonna be a first-ballot inductee.

Leave a message ... at the beep

I couldn't mention this answering machine scene without inevitably thinking of others. Granted, we're dipping into TV territory with some of these, but ... so what?

*Some of these aren't even remotely SFW, so I'd wait until home time to watch*

The ultimate: Equal parts hilarious and absolutely, horrifically painful.


This one's quick, starting at 2:45:


Believe it or not, this is hilarious:


Larry David vs. Richard Lewis:


It doesn't get much funnier than the last 30 seconds of this clip:


For a bonus audio clip: One of several ("Well, we can close the book on that one!") involving The Dude, courtesy of MovieWavs.com.